A Note to Stay at Home Moms

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To the mother pulling the wagon,

I saw you the other day while I was walking my dogs. You were walking too, and pulling a wagon around a cul-de-sac with some little ones inside. I don’t know you, but I thought  about the sacrifices you have made to be the one pulling that wagon around that cul-de-sac. I wanted to run up to you and say ‘Good job! What you’re doing right now matters!’

It caused me to think of the many stay-at-home moms who have surrendered the opportunity, at least for a season (that I’m sure sometimes seems never-ending), the opportunity to pursue a career, be challenged in the work-place, bring home a paycheck, and have a reason to pull on slacks instead of jeans. You don’t necessarily get to talk to other adults on a daily basis, or have a lunch break where you get to eat your own food without someone asking for a bite!

To the ones who have had the option, chosen, and sacrificed to be home full time, I applaud you. I think you’re terrific. Really, you’re amazing. To take the time out to shape, lead and nurture your little ones in this way is something to cheer about. You are a superstar!

Sometimes it’s lonely. Sometimes you feel like you are missing out on so much. But it’s worth it. So worth it.

Happy Mother’s Day!

(A note to working moms coming soon!)
I also recently wrote Mother’s Day Gifts over here.

Coming Home for the Summer

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Believe it or not, it’s finals week for Courtney. In many ways it seems as if we were just delivering her back to campus for her sophomore year, and now it’s just about over. Lightening speed for me – the one who did not attend all those classes, endure endless lectures and labs, as well as grueling assignments, papers and exams.

I am feeling blessed beyond expectation because she is coming home once again for the summer. We had thought it likely that she would be elsewhere for an internship, but she received an internship, within her field, right here in our town. I get the opportunity to spend another summer with my daughter!! It’s amazing how happy this makes me.

This parenting thing is funny ~ it’s ever changing. Obviously we are in transition in our parenting of her. We do not now, nor will we next week, parent her in the same manner in which we parent Zach (17) or Erin (14). But we do, and will, still parent her during this phase.

What does that look like now? Not a rhetorical question. I’m really wondering. She will be twenty next month. She is smarter than me to be sure (seriously, she’s studying to be a Biological Engineer, I failed 10th grade math). She knows more than me in several arenas, and certainly is more “relevant” than me when it comes to current culture.

One thing I do have is more wisdom gained from more life experience. But this will only mean something if we continue to grow our more adult, parent-child relationship. I believe it is within the continued & growing relationship where opportunities to impart some of that life wisdom can take place.

I wrote here about her coming home for the summer last year and what I did to prepare. And now I am keenly aware that she has had the better part of yet another year to live “independently” (I put it like that because the truth is we mostly fund this independence). The point that matters is that she has been making her own decisions about daily life – without a parent holding her accountable or telling her to get more sleep. Which is part of the growing up process – which is good and keeps her on track to actually grow up and be an adult that contributes to society. Remember, I am not raising kids, I’m raising future adults. I believe she is exactly on track…and the truth is, I’ve not been down this stretch of track before.

It’s constantly new terrain with our oldest children. Poor them…and quite honestly, poor us. So what I will do in these next few days before she comes home is pick up my copy of “You’re Wearing That?” by Deborah Tannen.  I will go straight to Chapter 9 Blending Intimacy and Independence: New Ways of Talking. I will look for some of that wisdom and life experience that I don’t yet have. I will seek out women whose core and family values are similar to mine and I will ask them to meet me for coffee. I will wash her sheets, tuck a welcome home note under her pillow, brace myself for the piles of stuff that will cover my living room for days, draw close to her and give her room. I will be overjoyed to simply look at her across the room. I will be happy for this time with my oldest child, who sits perched on the edge of the nest, trying her wings.

Last year Courtney and I wrote a five part series called Home for the Summer – you can read that here.

10 Things

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I am beginning a new weekly post titled “10 Things”

Each week I will share, in random categories, 10 Things I love, appreciate or value. I kicked it off with a list of 10 Home Items or Products that I love. These particular things help me to function more simply in my day to day life.

This week, you can find the list here! Check it out!
If you missed the previous post titled “Convicted”, click here.

Convicted

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I really do love when this happens, even though it means something has to change. I have been completely awakened to the fact that I have an idol. It’s social networking in general, but Facebook specifically. I know…kind of embarrassing.

Let me explain, what I appreciate about Facebook is being able to see what’s going on in my village ~ sometimes I see someone needs a table, a book, or something else that I can easily provide. Facebook offers a place to encourage, catch up and even plan. I can post that I need a prayer, went to my workout, and more and instantly my village steps in to support and high five me.

The problem isn’t Facebook, the problem is me. For a long time my morning routine has gone like this ~ get a cup of coffee, drive Kyler to school, check email and Facebook, read the paper and then, if there’s time, read my Bible and pray. If I don’t have time, I promise myself (and God) that I will get to that Him later. I mean, I understand the importance and value of time with God. Or do I?

I think I do, each year for Lent I flip that routine and read the Bible and pray before I check in with my village through Facebook. I love the peace and intimacy I experience with God during that season. I put Him first and quite honestly, my day flows pretty nicely from there. Then Lent ends…and I move my idol back into it’s place. So I guess I don’t really comprehend the importance and value of time with God.

While reading Isaiah last week I was convicted. God called me out on my rebellion – yes rebellion. Isaiah 57:13 says When you cry out for help, let your collection of idols save you! Yikes! Although, through Facebook, my village helps, supports and encourages me, it is only God who can save me.

Isaiah 58:2 says For day after day they seek me out, they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and have you not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves and you have not noticed?’ “Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please…” Yep – that’s me, eagerly seeking God, asking for his decisions and for Him to come near….all the while, doing what I please – checking in with friends before checking in with God.

In 58:13 it mentions again not doing as you please or speaking idle words. Idle words…ah, got me again. Much of my time on social networking – and even some of my words there are just that, idle.

What God’s word spoke to me is that it is time to quit doing what I please in my daily routine. It’s time to do what I know, for me and for now, is right. As I swept the idol off the mantle and turned towards God, I have made a new way – I don’t spend time on Facebook until I’ve spent time with God.

What I’ve discovered is that I’m more centered, less idle and my days are more peaceful as well as productive. The truth is, sometimes I still don’t sit down with God until the evening, which means there are several days in which I don’t log into Facebook until the later hours of the night – which means my day was pretty industrious, not idle.Which is good.

None of this means I have been lazy and sluggish – but I do know that I’ve wasted too many minutes, leading to too many hours doing what I please. Though I love the connecting through Facebook, it ultimately cannot fulfill me.

Conviction, though often times hard, and sometimes embarrassing, is ultimately an act of grace, leading us back to right places. I’ve been convicted, but held up by grace.

Going to Church

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I want my kids to go to church. Although “going to church” really isn’t the goal.

I wrote here about Zach and Erin going to spend the weekend with Courtney recently. At the end of the article I mentioned that they even went to a church service while together…without parents. Meaning no one told them to go to church. I love this. But even as I write that – I know it isn’t the act of going to church that I desire. I don’t long for obedience, I hope for them to have their own desire to take time out for God.

Lots of people go to church. There was a time (actually there were years) where I “went to church”. It’s what Kevin and I did on a Sunday morning. Then we came home, read the Sunday paper, got groceries, maybe took a nap and then prepared for the work week. I was able to check the box, “Went to church”, but it didn’t carry over into the other parts of my week.

But I do value my kids to going to church because I believe when they go to church, they have an opportunity to focus on, consider, learn more about, and take time to worship God. The hope is that they are taking in teachings, using their minds and their hearts to consider positions, feeling challenged in areas of weaknesses and convicted in areas where they are off track. I hope they use this dedicated time to block out the distractions and worship the one who created and calls them.

The world is constantly crashing in on them. They don’t need to put any effort into being influenced and challenged by culture, but we all need to put effort into holding the world at bay to consider what we believe and what we will do about what we believe.

I don’t long for obedience, I hope for them to have their own desire to take time out for God. When my kids choose church for themselves, my heart feels not pride, but gratitude. I believe one of my “jobs” as a Christian mother is to lead my children to Jesus, introduce them, hope that they take His hand, and then allow Him to lead them in this world.

They will leave my home, I will lose my “majority stake” in influencing them, but if through our partnership with the local church they have their eyes on Jesus then I will be more confident in letting them go.

These Sibling Relationships – read it here.