Category Archives: life

Hard Decisions Need Gentleness

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Hard decisions are just that…hard. We agonize over, pray about, research, sleep on, and finally make difficult decisions that are personal. Because we live in community with others, occasionally, some of these personal decisions become public. Sometimes others quickly weigh in with their own thoughts, judgments or beliefs. Peppered with questions, feeling like judgment is being pronounced, we breathe, we remember to stand on the process we have been through to come to this place, and we don’t come undone.

I’m learning that when others share personal decisions, I need to listen and respect what it must have taken to come to that particular place. It’s so easy for us to solve each other’s areas of hardship or suffering. (Even if my stuff is muddy, I’m so good at seeing other’s issues so clearly!) We say things like, Pray more, Just believe, Don’t give up, Don’t give in, Do it this way , What about this, How can you do this, and more. We sometimes feel we could do it better, or that our way would offer a different outcome.

We need to remember we don’t live in each other’s situations – we don’t usually know the whole story. I need to remember this. I do believe we can, and should, gently and lovingly ask the questions that are piercing our hearts. But even in that, our query should flow in rivers of gentleness and love.

I’m learning to be humble when others share heart-wrenching news. I’m learning to not judge. We don’t necessarily know what’s best for someone else. I’m going to be working on trusting others for their own hard decisions. Life is sometimes hard.

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Cross Country Meets Make Me Cry

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Seriously, they do. It’s always at the end of the meets, and it’s always the kids in last place that make me cry. And the coaches…the coaches contribute to my tears too.

Erin is in her second year of running cross country for our high school, but in her first season that girl came in last place for her team. every. single. race. Not last in the race, but last for her team. (But here’s the thing, she also “won” every single time. That girl set a personal record each and every race – the whole season – I’ll write more about her later.) Here’s the other thing, her coach was always on the course – urging her on. I would have expected her to be off with the varsity runners, congratulating them on their races, but no – she was always waiting for Erin – her last place runner.

That got me every time. But what makes me choke up at each and every race is the runners that literally come in last in the race. And…well, their coaches.

Let me set the scene…

The first runners sprint to the finish, you wonder how they have anything left in them, but suddenly they do and it’s amazing. Then the middle runners come in and that’s exciting as you see them jostle for position right to the finish line. Then you wait….and wait…and wait…several (or most) people wander away, anxious to find and congratulate their runners, but of course a few parents still have kids on the course…somewhere.

The first race of this year really got me. Our school had a runner still on the course, so Kevin, Courtney and I waited for him, along with one other family waiting for their runner from a different school. Finally, here comes a runner, and I realize one of the people waiting off by himself wasn’t family, it was his coach. And then he is running alongside his runner – off the course – but running, yelling encouragement to him, telling him to lift those legs and use those arms, and we see the runner respond. I’m chocked up. Then our runner comes around the corner, and there are our two coaches whom I hadn’t seen before – yelling encouragement to him. (Tears spring to my eyes.)

I am convinced this is the stuff that matters in life, and I get to watch it each week of the cross country season.

A few weeks later at another race, we again waited for that last runner  – along with lots of other people – finally he came to that last stretch before the finish line and the crowd that is left erupts…clapping and yelling to him. Tears spring to my eyes again.

I don’t usually know the last runner, it doesn’t matter who they are, or what school they are from, what matters is they stuck with it, they persevered, they didn’t give up, they finished the race.

I think it probably takes more mental energy and even emotional strength to stay in the race when you know you are the last runner. I know I am as proud of the kid who comes in last as impressed as I am by the kid who comes in first.

Last year Erin told me the cool thing about running in the back part of the pack is that everyone helps everyone. You run together and if someone breaks away you tell them “Good job”, encouraging them as they go on ahead of you – even if you don’t know their name, even if they don’t go to your school. Oh, that we could all be like the runners at the back of the pack.
There are just so many lessons to be captured in cross country.

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Not Born to Run

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I hate to run.

I use the word “run” super liberally, most of you could walk faster than I run. Unfortunately for me though, running is what my body is responding to, so I run. The truth is there are 2 responses from my body – smaller hip fat (win!) but greater knee and foot aches (lose). Why can’t this be a win-win?! Possibly because I’m getting older…sigh.

This summer I was introduced to the Couch to 5K Running Plan and it’s been a program I’ve been able to stick with. I’ve gone from huffing and puffing after 60 seconds of running (not kidding) to last week running 30 minutes straight for the first time in my life! (Though the plan would have me at 3 miles in 30 minutes, I am not there yet – my pace is too slow for a 10 minute mile, I’m more like a 13 minute mile – which I’m proud of.)

Whether running or going to an exercise class at the Y, I know this is true – my body, my mind and even my spirit just work better when I’m exercising. I’m happier, (maybe because my clothes are no longer digging into my waist!) more confident, stronger, less tired and more alert. My complexion seems to be a little brighter, I naturally eat less junky stuff and drink more water.

I’ve never been one of those women who could eat anything they wanted and not gain weight – instead I’ve been one of those women who gain weight while smelling brownies baking in the oven. (OK, so the brownies in the oven might also have something to do with it.) About ten years ago I shed fifty of the pounds I accumulated while producing 3 children over 7 1/2 years – and since I still have twenty more pounds to get rid of, coupled with the fact that I’m forty-seven (and let’s not forget about those brownies!), I will keep running until it’s too cold and then I will go back to the Y.

I’m really, really not a fan of exercise, maybe I’ll never be someone who enjoys it. But I will stay disciplined because exercise, though painful, is really, really good for me in many ways. (And, even if I never lose the last twenty pounds, at least I won’t put on twenty more pounds!)

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

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A Snapshot of My Day

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Mailed a package to my college girl.

Hair color.  (yep)

Home to discover our new dog went into Zach’s room, went through his garbage, scattered it over the floor, grabbed a mini photo album off a shelf and chewed that, and took his new Bible off his couch and chewed that up – no actual scripture, so that was kind of funny – just the cover and first few pages.

Let the dogs out.

Trip to the Christian bookstore to get a new Bible.

But not before I found myself at the grocery store parking lot instead. I was talking to a friend while I was driving and apparently went on auto pilot. Sat in a parking spot talking for a few minutes before I realized I had driven to the wrong store. Oh my goodness. (Have you ever done this?)

Made it to the bookstore.

Went back to the grocery store.

Let the dogs in when I got home.

Unloaded and  put away the groceries. Washed all the fruit, (because no one seems to eat it unless it’s clean and finger ready), made a big salad to last us the week.

Picked up the house, cleaned off the bathroom counters and mirrors.

Let the dogs out.

I made dinner, and we all enjoyed a relaxing dinner as a family which included a youth leader from our church.

Walked the dogs.

As I was cleaning off the bathroom counter this afternoon I had a moment in which I wondered if what I do matters. (Don’t comment with Yes it does, I’m not looking for affirmation, just stating my thoughts from today.) My kids were at school gaining an education, my husband was at work leading and supporting us, I was cleaning up, running around, preparing.

I don’t even know if I want anything to change. I love the freedom of my days, the availability I have for others. I enjoy providing for my family in this manner.

Maybe as these kids of ours gain more and more independence, this might just be the beginnings of another round of growing pains – which may end up leading to a growth spurt.

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