I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking, and taking calls, about what moms really want for Mother’s Day. The wants included: to go to the bathroom by myself, sleep, for my daughters to not fight for the day, a vacation, for my kids to acknowledge the day without being told, and more. I was struck by a very young sounding mom who called in saying it was her first Mother’s Day, that her baby had been born in December. She had seen a necklace with keys on it that spelled out Mom, and it cost $15; that was what she wanted. The morning show host asked, “What’s your…ah…what’s the name of the baby’s dad?” She said “Colin” and then host, on air, told Colin to get that necklace for her. The young mom said, “He probably won’t.”

Awkward.

Mother’s Day is supposed to be a feel good day, and for many of us it is. But I am more and more aware that Mother’s Day can also be an awkward, sometimes hurtful kind of day. There are women who are acutely aware of their moms absence if she has passed away, and on Mother’s Day their hearts long for her voice and her touch. There are women estranged from their moms – who just wish and pray it were different. There are women who have a hard time picking out cards for their moms because all the lovey, You’re the Best cards just really don’t apply. There are the moms whose family doesn’t even get her a card or make her feel special in any way.

Then there is the young mom who just wants a $15 necklace with the word Mom on it. I wonder if what she wants is to just feel acknowledged – in her new role – as a Mom. There is the mom of 13 and 18 year old girls who longs to have them – on their own – let her know they appreciate her. I think that’s what moms really want on Mother’s Day, to know that what they are doing is noticed, and matters.

If you know of a mom who could use an I’ve noticed you, What you’re doing matters, I’m proud of you, You’re doing a good job, kind of comment or note, consider giving that to her this Mother’s Day. It may be all she really wants, or even needs, to elevate her spirit, spurring her on to keep doing what she’s doing.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing moms who read this blog! What you do every single day matters – you can be reminded of that here.

To the mother who gets up and goes to work,

You are amazing. Really. This note feels personal to me, because I know so many of you. When I talk with my sister-in-law, Kalie, I am sometimes reminded of the challenges she faces as she manages to get three young kids out of the house on time everyday  ~ even if that means beginning to pull out of driveway to get that last straggler (oh, Jared!) moving….quickly!

You have to figure out how to work all day, plan dinner, prepare dinner, clean up dinner, oversee homework, get groceries, get your kids to practices and games, look them in the eye, engage them in activities, be intentional, and more! All of this in a shorter time span than those who are stay at home moms. And…for those of you with school age kids, I was reminded by a conversation with my friend Gina that when summer arrives there are all those hours that they were in school to figure out as well. Seriously, you have  a lot on your plate.

The mommy debates on stay at home versus working mom are unfortunate. I don’t think my staying at home makes me a better mom than the mom who goes to work. In fact I know several moms who have confessed that working makes them better moms. When they say better they aren’t comparing themselves to other moms, I believe they are comparing themselves to themselves. “If I stayed home all day, I would go crazy.”  Or “If I worked full time, I would lose my mind.”

When Kalie had a baby she and her sister-in-law decided to open a business together; a daycare center. They acquired the land, had plans drawn, watched the building go up, created jobs in her small town, hired staff for those jobs. They did this so that they could be with their kids and have some income. They wanted to create a safe environment for other moms who worked. I was a stay at home mom, she became a working mom. I was so proud of her. No wars, no comparison.

My sister Tracey works full time, with special needs kids, she is amazing with these kids. Loving and challenging. She believes in them and sees in them what many others do not. I am so glad she made the commitment to work, there are kids whose worlds are literally a little bit better because of her decision. My sister Jamie has incredible energy and brilliance in marketing. I love that she has the outlet of her career, and I am humbled constantly by how she shares her resources.

So, dear working mom, if you are feeling stretched and challenged, if you sometimes find yourself tripping over guilt and laundry baskets, be encouraged. Take a deep breath and remind yourself of ALL you do – know you are a superstar!

Enjoy your l-o-n-g Memorial Day weekend!

(You can read A note to Stay at Home Moms here.)