Category Archives: parenting

It Matters

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To the moms giving little boys rides on your backs, and to the ones holding your little girl’s hand as she skips at your side, I see you. I see you as you bend low to patiently explain a mystery, and I see you walk slowly up the stairs while your little one navigates those oh so tall steps. I see you carrying wee ones in heavy carseats, with diaper bags slung over your shoulder, all while leaning to one side to keep hold of the tiny hand that belongs to the little walking beside you.

Today for some reason I am aware of what you may have set aside for this little one now at your side. You have given a portion of your life and dedicated it to wiping messy faces, holding sticky hands and kissing dirty knees. You have exchanged office mates for play dates, and power lunches for peanut butter and jelly with a side of Goldfish® crackers.

I want to tell you that it matters. It all matters. Every tender kiss, every look in the eye, every song sang, book read and “why” explained. You are laying down connection wires; you are building trust, showing love and teaching kindness. You are pouring yourself out to fill up this little vessel who will run on the foundation you lay. What you are doing…it matters.

The child we chose to bring into our family, the one we still trust God to graft into us – when he was a little, he didn’t receive the tenderness I see you give. His wires were not placed gently or properly, and these many years later as I see him still struggle so, well…I promise you, what you are doing…it matters.

If you ever question your value, if you ever wonder if what you do has meaning, please know that it does. From blowing belly kisses to rocking the child with a fever, from cuddling on the couch to providing snack for the class…every tender, gentle, patient, kind and loving moment matters very much.

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An Update

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It’s been three weeks since our new season began, and several of you have asked to keep you as updated as much as we feel we can during this season. Below is an update in a Q & A type format using the questions we have received over the past few weeks.

Do you get updates?
Yes, we receive weekly reports on school, house, special events and a counselor report. They took a day trip last weekend and six pictures were sent to us via email – he was in all of them. We also receive a weekly phone call from the counselor that meets with him. I’m happy with the level of communication we have received thus far.

Do you get to talk to him?
Although he hasn’t yet moved to the level of privileges that include receiving calls from us, he was allowed a 30 minute call on his birthday. It was good to hear his voice and I appreciated that I was able to ask him about things I had seen in the pictures, it made us feel a connection despite the distance. We also receive a weekly email from him and we can email him back weekly.

How is he doing?
It sounds like he is doing well academically, is learning Spanish, is going to church ~ he said it reminds him of our church here at home, which he likes. He described his daily routine, told us there is dog in the house in which he lives, and said he is working on his anger. He said he misses us, and told us he loved us too when we hung up. He is appearing to struggle in his new environment with the same things he struggled with here at home; we remain confident he is at the right place at the right time. 

How are you doing?
We are doing fine. The first week was really hard, lots of emotion. But peace has settled into our hearts and into our home. I began to realize last week that when you always feel a little (or a lot, depending on the day) stressed, you act, and react, from a more tightly wound place. I’m feeling more like myself, laughing more easily and appreciating the extra space in my thought life that isn’t being taken up with drama and chaos. The other day Kevin was going to look at cars and thought he would take Mister, but then realized he could not. Erin is appreciating the quiet in our home – but the other night thanked God for bringing Mister back to us and also thanked God for this new help that he is receiving. 

Can I send him a note or a package?
Some of you are very close to us (friends and family) and have established relationships with our son, but for now, we can send notes and packages, you cannot. Thank you for caring for him and for us, thank you for supporting him. Your best “note” right now would be your prayers delivered straight to the One who is looking over him while he is away.

Thank you for your encouraging words, prayers and support. We are a very blessed family.

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A New Season

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From the very first post of Mother of the WHAT?!  I said I would be authentic, in fact, the subtitle of this blog is True Tales of an Ordinary Mom. I’m here today to share the truth about something that has been a hard, but real part of our lives as parents. Last week we enrolled our youngest in a program  – away from us – where we believe he will get some additional help and guidance, some healing and direction, and some hope for his future.

I am sharing this for three reasons:

1)  I write here for others and in that writing, I share the truth – which is sometimes good, touching, funny, embarrassing, boring but sometimes hard, and sometimes – it leaves me vulnerable.

2)  Our child will likely be in this program for a year, I’m not going to pretend in my writing that he is here during this time when he is not.

3)  I am sharing because a decision like this doesn’t happen for most parents, but when it does, it feels heavy, and you feel alone, and sometimes a little defensive of your decision. It also might feel embarrassing or even humiliating, but I don’t believe it has to feel this way. So, if you are in a situation like this, or know of someone who is, let’s lift the veil and talk about it.

This wasn’t a decision we made lightly, I can’t imagine that anyone enters into a decision like this easily. There are some that will (and have) questioned our decision, and there will likely be some who talk behind our backs, but we invite those discussions or questions to come to us; we are confident in our decision, we are fighting for the heart of our child, and we are not ashamed of that.

Its been difficult for a very long time. As he gets older, the consequences for some of his choices are beginning to fall outside of our parenting. His past has tweaked the way he thinks and reacts, and we needed to get him more help than we are equipped to give him. But maybe, just maybe, we have been equipped…to release him…for this period.

This week I have cried, felt relief, had peace, cried some more, felt light, felt heavy, and been confident. But most of all, I have trusted in the Lord, that he who began a good work in this boy will continue to work to bring it to completion…

I am encouraged by this season. It will look different, it will feel different, and I have a belief that ultimately it will be refreshing and beautiful for each of us.

I wrote over at Moms.FortWayne.com about this as well…you can read that here.

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Leaving the Nest

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A mother, looking for a safe place to birth and raise her young ones, chose my front porch. She chose well, it was out of the rain, and as a fellow mom, I was careful to not soak her nest when I watered this plant, which suddenly also served as a home.

Then one day, and for four days, the mother laid an egg; four beautiful, small, vulnerable lives, contained in precious, fragile shells. The day the babies were making their way out of their eggs, our family did our best to come and go through the garage, ensuring that the mother could just sit on the nest to keep her little ones warm (moms look out for each other like that).

We adored watching them, they were so ugly that they were cute. There came a day when we began to hear their teeny-tiny tweets, clamoring for their food each time their mother returned to the nest. It made me think of our little ones when we have been gone for awhile. My little ones would come running to the door ready to see if I had something for them, or to tell me of some adventure (or some perceived injustice) while I was away!

Quickly the little uglies were trading their wrinkly, downy skin for real feathers. They filled out and seemed more crowded in the nest. Before we knew it, they began perching on the edge of their home. I’ll never forget watching that first one leave the nest…

Courtney was all packed up and we were loading the car to make the return trip to college for her junior year when it happened. We had just walked outside and I was locking the door when we saw one of the baby birds perched on the edge of the nest. We stopped and watched as it just sat there, and then suddenly ~ it flew away!

“Ohhhhh wait! Are you ready? Don’t fall! Where are you going?!” All things that went through my mind and even were uttered from my lips as my daughter, ready to go herself, and I, watched this bird leave the nest. We looked at each other taking in what we just saw – the obvious significance of the moment not lost on either of us.

We watched the little one fly higher and higher and eventually find a tree. We saw and heard the mom calling to it from the roof next door. I imagine the mom was tweeting “Good job! Look how strong and beautiful you are! I’m so proud of you!”

It’s funny…several years ago, when my friend Barb’s oldest daughter, Alexandria, left the nest, I sent Barb a little bird and enclosed a letter. In the letter I told my friend what a great mom she was and how she (and her husband) had provided such a strong and stable nest for her little ones, that she could be confident as Alexandria left. I was indeed confident that Alexandria would be secure and strong and ready to enter the world, taking with her all the tools, values, lessons and love that had been given her while in the nest. When Courtney left for college two years ago, I received a similar letter from Barb with a different little bird in a nest.

Now on the sidewalk, Courtney and I stood and watched together, with awe and a little anxiousness, as a real bird, left a real nest to make its own way in the real world. Then ~ I drove her to her new apartment at college. As my own little one has left the nest for another year of school, I will be confident (as I told Barb to be) that we have taught her what she needs to know to fly and find her way – and I say to her even now ~ “Good job, Courtney! Look how strong and beautiful you are! I’m so proud of you!”

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