Category Archives: teens

A Car Accident, Dog Poop, Spraying Sprite and Perspective

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It all began at 6:30 AM ~

It’s the last day of school! A full summer looms ahead of us! Beginning in eight hours and five minutes, ‘Summertime, and the livin’ is easy’ becomes our slogan. I. cannot. wait.

I dropped the youngest off at school and began to head home with the radio on, coffee cup in hand, and JOY in my heart. It’s going to be a great day as I prepare for the festivities for the last day of school!

There was a very long line of cars waiting to drop kids off and I could see an accident up ahead – someone had rear-ended someone else – I drove by slowly, this is what I saw…my 17 year old son talking on the phone and waving his arm at me! My daughter is on the grass with 2 other passengers. I pull over and run across the street. Please nobody hit me as I dart through cars, and Why, oh why, didn’t I wear a bra?!! Oh yeah, because I am still in my pajamas!!

“What happened? Is everyone OK?!” Tears are in my daughters eyes, and my son, although steady and mature as he calls the police, is shaking. Yes – they are all OK. He rear-ended the woman ahead of him. She was driving a brand new Buick Enclave. Of course she was. The front of my husband’s beloved red Mustang is pretty smashed, and her vehicle is going to cost some big money to repair. Awesome. As I try to talk to her, I understand anger, it’s the second time she has been rear-ended by a teen boy. Poor her. Seriously.

A family friend comes to pick up Zach’s passengers and I sit with Zach as we wait for the police, and then while we wait for the report to be written up. I put a hand on his back and try to assure him that it’s only money, it’s only cars, no one was hurt. This is what matters. (Although consequences await, they are not at the forefront of this moment). I’m compassionate and I’m frustrated, a slower speed would have avoided this. Eventually he is released from the scene, he goes on to school, and I drive home.

Once  home, I can feel that I’m a little shaken. I made a quick phone call, jumped in the shower and rushed to get ready as I needed to get to the middle school awards and was now running late. I hurried out of my room, through the kitchen…….wait…“Why does it smell like poop?” There on the rug, by the door is a BIG pile of dog poop. Awesome. I decide to just toss the whole rug out the door and deal with it later – as I do that, the poop falls off the rug and onto step right outside the door. Of course. I will get to that later, and I will hope Courtney doesn’t step in it. Then I ran out the door.

I got home from the awards (we will take perfect attendance as an award for Mr.), I take care of the poop, run to the grocery store to get what I need for teen boys that are going to be at my house – oh yeah, and drinks for a party Erin is going to that evening. Back from the store, I unload and put away groceries, make pasta salad, realize I have forgotten a vet appointment, greet Kyler as he comes home from his last day of 7th grade, drive to Zesto’s (our last day of school tradition for 12 years) with Kyler to meet Erin and Zach for ice-cream. Ahhh….ice-cream makes everything better, at least for a moment. When we get home, Erin asks for S’mores stuff in addition to the pop.

“I already went to the store, why didn’t you ask me yesterday?! And why am I sending drinks and smore’s stuff to a party someone else is having?!” (Yes….all that actually came out of my mouth. My goodness. So embarrassing.)

Her older sister swiftly steps in to save the day, and off they run to the store for smore’s stuff. When they get home Erin opens a case of Sprite to put in a cooler with ice, and  6, maybe 7, cans roll off the counter and onto floor – one after another in rapid succession and now there is Sprite spraying e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e! It looks like little fire hoses wildly going every which way in my kitchen!! The cans were on the floor but the pop was reaching my counters, cupboards, computer and walls! I stepped over the whole spraying mess and went outside onto the patio, shut the door and sat down. After this day, it was going to be Sprite that makes me come undone. Unbelievable.

Somehow I don’t come undone (Thank you, Jesus), and the girls and Kyler clean up the sticky mess. Kevin comes home, and Zach comes home and the Mustang is in the driveway – and a hard conversation takes place. Hotdogs go on the grill, teen boys are in my basement, a friend calls, and as we talk she tells me her husband’s cancer has returned. He will have surgery again in a few days. Every chaotic moment from the day falls away. Perspective has entered.

It’s only money, it’s only cars, no one was hurt, the poop is gone, the pop has been cleaned up, well, mostly cleaned up ~ my fingers are slightly sticky after typing and I still see some spots on the cupboards – but they just make me smile tonight ~ it was a sight to see. I wish I could have been the mom who stopped and laughed in that moment, but after my day, I just couldn’t…or wouldn’t, I don’t know which one. But now I can smile…at the pop that sticks to my feet and shines on the walls. The car situation will still have to be figured out, and it’s going to be painful – for us to parent through and for Zach to walk through – but it’s not cancer.

8:30 PM  ~  Perspective.

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Needed: Boundaries

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I am very aware of how prevalent pornography is – I know it comes into our homes through our computers and gets caught in spam. I know with smart phones, kids are looking at it while sitting in class and on the couch. I know that both boys and girls in our middle schools and high schools send text messages with both inappropriate words and pictures.

I know our culture seems to be moving  has moved us in the direction of accepting more and more sexual material in more and more arenas, and consequently we are becoming more and more desensitized to inappropriate material.

But I am not so desensitized that I didn’t notice the cover of this month’s ESPN magazine. ESPN magazine comes to our home because we ordered it for Zach (our sixteen year old) as a gift last year. But he won’t be receiving this month’s magazine – The Body Issue.

Some will say I’m a prude, some will say I can’t appreciate the strength and beauty of the human body. But the truth is, I am a mom trying to help my son keep boundaries.

I would never put a magazine in my son’s hands with naked women and men in it; I throw away Victoria’s Secret catalogs as soon as they arrive in the mail. We are known to talk about pornography at dinner and during family devotions (I’m still not comfortable with these conversations, but culture is very comfortable pushing every envelope, so the way I see it, I don’t really have a choice except to talk to them). We are teaching our kids how, and even more importantly why, to protect themselves from images such as these.

I know the magazine is out there and Zach may have friends who have it. He certainly could purchase it himself. We may even raise his curiosity by keeping it from him. The same is true for the computer – although we have ours in the kitchen, there are others who have them in the bedrooms, though he doesn’t have a smart phone, he knows many others who do. We know we can’t keep our kids from all material that is inappropriate, that actually isn’t our goal, what we are shooting for is to help them understand what happens when you become desensitized and what happens when you allow culture, or even your friends set your standard.

I asked Erin (our fourteen year old) why she thinks we do all that we do in this area. She said it’s so they are very clear about what is right and what is wrong, that they have an understanding that is black and white about what is expected, and that by living by example, we help them keep purity.

That tells me we are making an impact and having an influence. It doesn’t mean they will always choose wisely. It doesn’t mean our job is done. There are marketing firms and a pornography industry spending millions trying to influence my kids – but I am a parent, who according to research, still has the greatest influence in my kid’s life, and I simply leveraged that influence today.

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Really, Congressman, really?!

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Dear Teenagers of Mine,

Today its been all over the news that New York Congressman Anthony Weiner admitted to sending inappropriate pictures of himself to women. (after lying about it for several days) So, I have to take this opportunity to talk to you again (you know how I am) about cell phones.

I love that we have cell phones. It is a wonderful and even effective way for us to communicate. We’ve talked and will continue to talk about being responsible with your phones. We’ve talked about not texting anyone you don’t know, about not texting what you would not say to someones face. We’ve talked about not texting excessively. We’ve talked about texting and driving. I’ve read your messages and I will continue to “spot check” your messages.If you want complete privacy, then become an adult and pay for your own phone.

Since I believe knowledge is power, let’s talk again about the camera on your phone, and let’s talk again about sexting, (I’m sorry that in 2011, this is the conversation I must have with you but unfortunately it is.) In 2009 the Pew Research Center found that:

  • 4% of cell-owning teens ages 12-17 say they have sent sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images of themselves to someone else via text messaging.
  • 15% of cell-owning teens ages 12-17 say they have received sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images of someone they know via text messaging on their cell phone.
  • Older teens are much more likely to send and receive these images; 8% of 17-year-olds with cell phones have sent a sexually provocative image by text and 30% have received a nude or nearly nude image on their phone.
  • The teens who pay their own phone bills are more likely to send “sexts”: 17% of teens who pay for all of the costs associated with their cell phones send sexually suggestive images via text; just 3% of teens who do not pay for, or only pay for a portion of the cost of the cell phone send these images.

This data reminds me that there are many peers around you not thinking. It reminds me that you are at risk for sending, but even more at risk of receiving an inappropriate text message. It reminds me there are many around you not being inappropriate but also, that many around you are being appropriate.

Sometimes I forget what you are up against as you navigate through this life. But today I was reminded (via all network and cable stations) that sometimes even grown-ups who we trust to be wise and appropriate, are not. Sometimes even those we deem intelligent and living above reproach, are not.

My every expectation is that you will display wisdom, boundaries, maturity and purity with that phone in your pocket. That you will be more responsible and mature than even some adults. I believe in each of you.

Love,
Mom

Here’s a good resource, That’s Not Cool.  
Here is one more true great resource on this topic.

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The Team

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I believe being on the team, in the band or part of the club is important in school – especially in high school. Yesterday I saw another reason our kids’ involvement can be vital.

Through football and wrestling, Zach has come to know Landon pretty well. Landon lost his dad to cancer last Monday. I cannot imagine. The grief my son felt on behalf of his friend was apparent. He immediately did what he could to let Landon know he was there for him.

Yesterday was the funeral. It was something to see so many students sitting as a group in the front of the church. The support these kids showed was a sign of community, care, friendship and love. On one side of the church, the grief of the family penetrated the entire room. On the other side of the church the quiet support of the kids made a statement no one could miss. We are here for you.

One of the football coaches spoke about the first time he met the father, Tim. Tim had introduced himself and when the coach mentioned what a hard worker Landon was, Tim asked if the coaches would also help him watch his grades. Instant community, a village mentality, let’s help each other, all of this was there. A support team created for the family as well as the son.

The coach also spoke about the night the father took him aside after a game and told him about the cancer. He and his wife were going to tell their three kids that evening and wanted the coaches to know. The father was asking the coach to look out for his son, he was in for some rough times in the next days. At one point he also told the coach, I may not be around for Landon’s senior year, watch out for him for me.
Because the son was a part of a team, the father had a team to tap and the assurance that someone had his back.
Being a part of the team, band or club is important, it gives our kids a place to belong and connect. It creates accountability, character, discipline and more. It also creates a circle, which can close in tight when needed. It grants influence and assistance to other adults who can be there when we cannot.

Rest in peace Tim Hughes. The team has stepped up to the line.

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Guest Blogger ~ Zach on Zach’s Trip to El Salvador

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Helio, Quito, and Me
Well I am writing on my mom’s blog today about my trip to El Salvador. My dad and I went with a group of people from Habitat for Humanity. We left on Saturday March 19th and got back the following Saturday, the 26th.
There we experienced many cultural differences like when we went to the market and people were selling things that they had made to make a buck for their family, and this seemed to be the prime place for people to sell and buy just about anything. I quickly noticed that the language barrier was not a big deal. Now, I’m in Spanish 3 in school, but I also learned quickly that three years of Spanish in school does not help a whole lot in a country where everything is spoken in Spanish. I could translate a little and understand some, but that was the extent of it. But we got our main ideas across, and on most days had a professional translator.
I’m just going to throw this out there, everyone in El Salvador is poor. But, all of them are also happy. I did not encounter a single person who was mad because they didn’t have the latest T.V. or car or a big house; they were happy with what they had. Who can say that here in America? Us Americans feel the need to have the newest things, newest technology, we treat material wealth like it’s a competition. Like that Best Buy commerical where everyone is mad because they just bought something and they learn that there is a newer one out. I’m just saying, maybe we can learn from the El Salvadorians.
Our Work Group
So we should be happy with what we have and be happy with our friends who have the newer things. Because in the end, are you happier just after you bought the new 3D T.V., or after you helped change someone’s life? I realized that I was just helping to build a house, they were helping to change me as a person just by living their lives.

I will definitely go back next year, not only because I can help build a house, but because I can witness some of the happiest people on the planet, and walk with them to reach that same level of joy. Because this happiness is not something that you can get with material items, but by sharing the love of God. I think everyone should go on a mission trip because you realize how you can change the world, not only by providing help to others in some way, but also by providing help to yourself.
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